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December 2, 2012
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You've had your hair coloured
like the boiled strawberry sweets
my mother bought me on Sundays,
that even as a boy I thought
looked like a barbershop pole.

What became of your brown curls?
The fringe is strict across your brow.
The length that dipped
inside your coffee cup,

those damp strands that stuck to your cheek
were sectioned on the salon floor.
The sometimes ponytail is left long
from each ear
to between your severe shoulder blades.

You're not wearing a blouse,
that, in blue and white, made you seem
like a medical professional.
You wear a poncho over bare flesh
with the side of your body displayed.
:iconobsidian-nightfall:
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Copyright © Dominic Cuthbert. All rights reserved.
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:iconmeinesehnsucht:
Nice work. I'd suggest to put a nice blank rule somewhere in the second stanza, for better reading. I'd say somewhere after 'inside your coffee cup'. It's just a suggestion anyway.
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:iconobsidian-nightfall:
~Obsidian-Nightfall Jan 30, 2013  Student Writer
It's a fine suggestion, thanks for it.
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:iconmeinesehnsucht:
You're welcome. It looks good like that, nice.
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:iconbrassteeth:
Reads like an innocent, clear observation, almost youth in revision...
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:iconobsidian-nightfall:
~Obsidian-Nightfall Jan 30, 2013  Student Writer
Yes it does, I hadn't though of that when I wrote it but that's the wonderful thing about interpretation. Thanks for saying so.
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:iconglossolalias:
incredible imagery.
Reply
:iconobsidian-nightfall:
~Obsidian-Nightfall Jan 30, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much :)
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:iconlancelotprice:
Sounds like a style you may have experimented with sometime in the past. :)
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