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Fraying Thoughts by ~Obsidian-Nightfall:iconObsidian-Nightfall:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Spoken Word


Fraying Thoughts

My mind knots like laces in a winter’s gale
Fraying and drifting sailing an endless breeze
Shrivelled and alone drowning in water so deep
These threads, all memories I don’t wish to keep
©2009 ~Obsidian-Nightfall
:iconobsidian-nightfall:

Author's Comments

This is only a short poem as you can see but the idea came to when i was watching Sylvia :)

Feedback would be greatly appreciated :)

Thank you

Comments


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:iconbluedragoneye:
*bluedragoneye Jul 8, 2009, 10:17:23 AM
Wow deep it's a great piece well writen,

--
I have close my eyes, I am now blind to your evil doings go forth and kill each other leave this dying world for ever more, so die and leave us in blistful peace. Heaven or Hell I hope we will meet then my dragon rage is you will see. BDE
:iconobsidian-nightfall:
~Obsidian-Nightfall Jul 9, 2009, 12:54:43 AM
I'm honoured you think so :) Thank you so much...

--
'A burnt child loves fire' - Oscar Wilde
:iconobsidian-nightfall:
~Obsidian-Nightfall Jul 9, 2009, 12:55:00 AM
Thank you very much my friend, I appreciated that :)

--
'A burnt child loves fire' - Oscar Wilde
:iconbluedragoneye:
*bluedragoneye Jul 9, 2009, 4:16:36 AM
you are very welcome :XD:

--
I have close my eyes, I am now blind to your evil doings go forth and kill each other leave this dying world for ever more, so die and leave us in blistful peace. Heaven or Hell I hope we will meet then my dragon rage is you will see. BDE
:iconthedownpour:
*TheDownpour Sep 3, 2009, 8:13:13 AM
Very deep. I love, no, adore that imagery. The words are just so strong, so powerful, they conjour (I'm sure I've spelt that wrong) up such a clear picture inside your head, to really get the reader onto your wavelength. One thing (and it's only little) I would suggest is a comma after 'these threads' in the last line and one after 'fraying and drifting' in the second line. I reckon that could help it to read a little better in a more flowing sense.

--
If I'm to fall
Would you be there to applaud?
Or would you hide behind them all?
'Cause if I were to go
In my heart you'll grow
And that's where you belong.

Oasis
:iconobsidian-nightfall:
~Obsidian-Nightfall Sep 4, 2009, 7:59:00 AM
Thank you very much my friend I appreciate the comment. I am pleased that I was able to create such images :) Thank you as well for the constructive criticism ^^ As you can see i have changed it accordingly :)

--
'A burnt child loves fire' - Oscar Wilde
:iconthedownpour:
*TheDownpour Sep 4, 2009, 9:10:32 AM
You're very welcome.

--
If I'm to fall
Would you be there to applaud?
Or would you hide behind them all?
'Cause if I were to go
In my heart you'll grow
And that's where you belong.

Oasis
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